At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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