jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
