i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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