Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize