just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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