Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
