I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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