I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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