Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
