its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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