I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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