let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
