the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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