yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
