And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
