pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
