did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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