how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
