alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Just cropdusted the office
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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