Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
