Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
