I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
