I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
