Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He? As in you personified your dick?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
