Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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