Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
