She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
