if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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