is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
