yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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