It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
