For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
