Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
