I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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