i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
pop tarts are not kleenex
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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