We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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