Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
