the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
