I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I forget how to act sober
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize