My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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