i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
