wrigley field is MILF paradise
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
