i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
