Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
