Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
