watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
