Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
