Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
