At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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