And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
