I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
