you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
