holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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