so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
