He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
