all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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