You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
