I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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