We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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