let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
