Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
