took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize