I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
