im about as happy as oj after his trial
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
