she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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