dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
that's an acceptable place to lick
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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