I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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