just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
