like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize