I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
