Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Is this like a preordered booty call?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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