I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
