Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
