i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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