rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
