he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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