You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Come on in and take your pants off
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