I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
