How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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