My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
