Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
