I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I have aggressive nipples.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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