I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
