A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
