What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
