Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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