He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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