You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
home. puking in laundry basket.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
