The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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