Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
