if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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