Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
