omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
