god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
