I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize