At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
