we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
