I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
