u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
